Sunday, August 19, 2018

Let’s Talk About Depression 

I’ve been in a slight depression, I’m guessing the constant vertigo and not being able to drive had so much to do with it. I wrote this last night to try to describe how I feel in a Depression...


I often talk about coming out of the fog, but what is it like in it?

I often don’t realize the fog has descended until I am well into it. So how do I know? 

  1. Little things will irritate me. Things that normally just are a fleeting thought. 
  2. I find myself crying at every touching show or commercial. I am overly sensitive. 
  3. I get mad easily and stay mad longer. Although I am quick to anger I usually am sorry instantly, but not when I am depressed.
  4. Thoughts race through my head. Usually replaying everything I think I’ve done wrong. Never letting me forgive those who have hurt me. Making sleep impossible.
  5. I am tired, but my sleep is riddled with restlessness. I wish I could sleep for days, but my head won’t stop thinking. Instead I rest a lot. Sleeping on and off.
  6. One recurring thought that nobody will understood, unless they have been there... everyone will be better off without me. 

I am not suicidal, but my thoughts are... though at times I think about escaping into oblivion, I would never act on it. 

How do I handle depression? 

  1. I plaster my smile on my face. You have seen this. I am quite an expert at it. I hope by smiling it will fool my brain into thinking it’s happy.
  2. I keep busy. If I don’t then I’ll have time to think.
  3. Sometimes I take medication when I cannot fight it on my own.
  4. Meditation helps.
  5. Talking about it.

My depression isn’t constant, so antidepressants have only been effective for short bursts. There is nothing wrong with sling for help. I do all the time and I share my thoughts with family and friends. Talking about it takes its power away for me. It stops it from being my secret. It takes away the stigma when you realize how many people suffer from depression. 

I hope this helps others who are like me. 

My smile is as natural to me as breathing, but sometimes like this one, it’s not always heartfelt.

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