Positivity

Someone in my support group, Ménière’s Worldwide, reminded me to always find the positive in every situation. For instance although I couldn’t climb to this peak, I was able to enjoy the ride and take pictures. 

Life is wonderful and for every bad day we should look for the good. A month ago when I had a full on vertigo attack, my nephew and brother helped me walk. Walking is something that I can do on my own most days, even when in vertigo; my head spinning, not the walls and things. I might be best friends with my walls, but I can normally get around. I am thankful for the vestibular therapy I received many years ago when this all began.

Today, I am thankful to have gotten out of bed and look forward to a movie later with friends and my family. I am also thankful that my brother and sister-in-law are willing to drive me places when I can’t. My head and ears are full today with that drunk feeling, but I can still hear. 

There is so much to be thankful for in life. I have a wonderful husband, family and good friends. Some people may not understand what I am going through and let’s be honest, unless they have the things that I have, they never will. I have no time for people who think I am faking. I choose to live in the now. (If only I could get the racing thoughts to stop reminding me of perceived injustices toward me (because some of it is my own anxiety) I would be happier. 

In the meantime I’ll just take one moment at a time and be thankful that I managed to get out of bed. That I am able to camp, cruise and vacation of just hang out with friends, family and especially my husband. 

I am also thankful for those who inspire me to write! 

Stay spin free!

Love, Peace and Light!

Rita

Cave Lake- Day 2

After fishing (Ralph fished and I held the dogs. I don’t try because the one time I did I caught one and cried.), Ralph and I drove to Wheeler Peak in Great Basin National Park. I am afraid I have been useless... since vertigo has been hitting me pretty much daily, I cannot drive. So, Ralph is the designated driver. 

It took about an hour and a half to get to the trails, which we couldn’t take because we had the dogs with us. Of course I cannot blame it all on the dogs. I am not up to hiking. You cannot drive all the way to the top.

We did have a nice ride and got to see some amazing views. On the way back to our camp we went to Ely for shakes.

Now we are relaxing before dinner. It’s getting a bit windy though.

I hope you are spin free.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Cave Lake- Day 1

After over 4 hours we’ve reached our destination. I am now relaxing, but will need to put up the canopy of the sun doesn’t hide soon. 
It is currently playing hide and seek with the clouds. It’s much brighter to see in person than this picture shows.

We are fortunate that Ralph was able to reserve the yurt so we don’t have to put up the tent. 
I packed up the car this morning while Ralph walked the dogs. Not bad since I was and am experiencing vertigo. Yes, I can function with vertigo as long as it’s internal. I had vestibular therapy when I was first diagnosed and 18 years of practice. It’s the vertigo when everything is spinning around me that I cannot function. I can’t even close my eyes, without wanting to through up at those times. Walking is hard since nothing stays where it should. Days like today, I can’t exactly walk a straight line and am likely to bump into people and walls.
I am going to sign out today and relax. I hope you all are spin free!
Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Oh My Head

Yikes my head feels like it’s going to explode. It’s not just the migraine per se, though it’s not helping. It’s my cicadas screaming in my ears each on a different level and tempo. It’s the fuzziness inside my head clouding my thoughts so they have to push through to be heard. It’s the brain fog that muddles my mind and loses the words. It’s my equilibrium being messed with by some internal force. Some days it’s swaying, sometimes it’s spinning and other times is visual. 

There are triggers for some of it. Salt, lights, sound, patterns, motion... some days none of the things affect me and other days they all do. 

Through most of this life continues. I go out with friends and family. I am good at walking mostly straight. Sometimes someone will notice that I am flushed, but more times than not I don’t have any outward symptoms, unless you see me walk to one side or another. 

I have taken vestibular therapy which I continued to practice on my own even when I was in remission. Remission for me was no vertigo or dizziness. I still had some balance issues and the tinnitus never leaves. I became good at pretending to be normal. 

The dizziness and vertigo (non-visual) are so frequent that I cannot drive myself places. I need to ask for help. I have had maybe 3 days this month that I wasn’t experiencing some form of dizziness or vertigo. It’s been almost.a month since I had the full on vertigo attack. 

Full on vertigo for me means that I could see the room spinning. I fell when it started because I was slammed backwards and there wasn’t a wall to catch me. 

That episode has made me more anxious than normal. I usually can control anxiety and panic attacks by breathing slowly, visualization, relaxation and meditation. 

I fear there is something new going on. My Mitral valve prolapse has been triggering dizziness. Someone suggested POTS. I need to call my doctor, but I am still waiting to get into an ENT and my Gastrointestinal Doctor. Insurance sucks. Why do they get to determine if I need a specialist? Shouldn’t my doctor determine that?

Still through this all I try to smile. 

This is me on Sunday during an episode where I thought I might be ready to have a full blown vertigo attack. I was scared as I didn’t know what was happening. Luckily leaving the stimulation of noise in the church helped. This may have been a panic attack, my mitral valve, or an attack of vertigo or all three combined. Fortunately it did not escalate into the full blown vertigo. 

I went home to bed and rested before going to my in-laws for Father’s Day. Yesterday (Tuesday), I enjoyed a movie with a friend. My brother drove me, because I was dizzy or spinning all day long. There was a scene in the movie where the cameraman spun around instead of keeping it still and letting the dancers spin that bugged me. The rugs had swirly pattern that made it slightly difficult. I didn’t even attempt the escalator when we left, because I’d had a slight problem when we arrived. 

I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend camping with my love. 

I hope you all are spin free. 

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Get Me a Drink

I am having a rough time this morning. Sitting in the car because I felt like a full vertigo attack was imminent. My ears are full and I feel sick to my stomach. I am experiencing vertigo, but it is internal.

I think I was panicking that I might have an attack in church. I still feel awful, but the world is not spinning more than usual. Occasionally things seem off kilter, but not what I thought was happening.

I have discovered alcohol has given me a superpower. You see I feel drunk much of the time, but when I drink I don’t feel drunk. Kinda like Underdog taking his pill. 

I know this is self medicating and I don’t drink all the time. I don’t recommend this to anyone as a form of controlling dizziness and it doesn’t work for everyone. In fact it is a trigger for most.

Me, during this mini attack. I am glad it’s not a full blown attack. This too shall pass.

Have a spin free day.

Love, Peace and Light!
Rita

TGIF

1. 

Yeah! The weekend is finally here. That means I get to spend more time with my husband. I always look forward to that. Yes, I am still a newlywed and love being with my husband. I think no matter how long we’re married I will always want to spend time with him.

This will be a busy weekend... two birthdays and Father’s Day. Tonight we’ll meet the family at Olive Garden for our sister-in-law’s Birthday and tomorrow Ralph’s best friend is celebrating his 50th birthday and Sunday dinner with Ralph’s parents.

Today I took Ralph to work and stopped at the pharmacy and then went to the grocery store. I have to take advantage of the good days. I hope they never end.

So I will be armed with my blue light filtering glasses to try to keep the dizziness at bay. These will always be my favorite gift that I didn’t know I needed. I am relaxed and not focusing on what could happen, so that a panic attack won’t trigger and attack. So many things to be mindful of when out and about.

I remember the carefree days when I could go wherever and whenever I wanted without worrying about my health. Now it’s always in the back of my mind. I am trying so hard to not stress about it.
My relaxation and breathing techniques help so much.

Have a fabulous weekend. Stay spin free!

Love, Peace and Light!
Rita

Dizzy

I hate being dizzy. It makes life so very difficult. Today I have vertigo, thank goodness that it’s not visual. At least I can deal with this. It’s not easy, but I can deal. Though truthfully I just want to curl up in bed and stay there until it passes.

I am doing that right now. Though I am about to get up and continue my day. I already went to church and breakfast.

I am regretting my choice of BLT, though I love them. My ears are now screaming and my vertigo feels almost as bad as the visual vertigo. I know that salt is a trigger for me and yet I had bacon.

Now I need to drag my butt out of bed and go downstairs so we can go to the in-laws. Dare I try to swim? I have never had problems with water before. So maybe I can or will the movement bother me?

I wore my blue light filtering glasses at church today. I didn’t worry that I seemed odd for wearing them indoors. I just need some extra protection from the fluorescent lights. The smaller one like they have aren’t as bad, but they do bother me at Rome’s like today.

Wish me luck as I push through this episode. I look forward to the weekend and spending time with my husband and by God I am going to enjoy it.

We finally saw Deadpool 2 yesterday. I wore my glasses in the theater too. They are the best gift I didn’t know I needed. Thank you Ralph. He bought them so I can drive at night. Of course I can rarely drive anymore. I am dizzy most days, fortunately more like a drunk, off balance type of feeling and not the spinning around kind.

The seats at Regal in Downtown Summerlin are recliners and very comfy. The movie was funny and sad. I love when movies and books put me through a host of emotions.

Have a spin free day!

Love, Peace and Light!
Rita

Changes

Life is full of changes. Some good and some bad. How things turn out is up to you. My life changed on December 20, 2012 when I had to make the hardest decision I have ever had to make... I put a DNR on my husband and he died a little before 8 am. 

I was devastated. The reality of my situation was dismal. I could have just curled up in bed and stayed there. Fortunately, friends wouldn’t let me. It took me a bit of time to find a new normal. I joined a weight loss challenge, which I won. (I basically had cereal or eggs for breakfast, peanut butter for lunch and soup for dinner.) The Y-City Writers and the art community kept me busy. I took yoga, an exercise class and meditation too. A much more peaceful me emerged.

Then I had a dream that this guy Inhad a crush on when I was 12 kissed me. I messaged him on Facebook and told him. He told me to go back to sleep to see how the dream ended. That made me laugh. One thing led to another and on February 25, 2017 I married Ralph. If God sends you a dream, you might want to pay attention.

Though I have been diagnosed with Ménière’s Disease since 2000, it had been in remission from 2011-2017. Now things are changing for me again as I am no longer in remission. I know the outcome of the disease is bleak, and things are difficult for me, because I have very few good days. Most days I feel drunk without touching a single drop, You know the tipsy, fuzzy head feeling...  On those days which is most days I cannot drive. So I am reliant on others to take me places. 

I choose to live my life. With my head feeling this way I could easily curl up in bed and rarely get out, but I don’t. Now if I have a full on vertigo attack that is a different story. Some days I have non-visual vertigo, which makes me feel like shit...  But it is nothing compared to seeing the room spin. I didn’t remember what full on vertigo felt like, but now I pray that I never have it again. 

How do I do things? I just push through the dizziness, but I am rarely alone so it’s not as scary as doing things on my own. On good days I run errands on my own (yes I drive), but it’s always in the back of my mind that an episode might start. 4 good days one week, 1 the next and today I had a few good hours. 

II digressed from my original thought about changes... Some changes I chose and others were thrust upon me. Some were very bad and others were good, but the end result is that I became stronger with each change I went through. I will never give up. I choose to enjoy life. 

Have a spin free day. 

Love, Peace and Light!

Rita

Go Knights Go

I can’t believe that I am watching hockey and actually enjoying it. I am still learning the terms, but it’s easy to get the gist of the game.

We watched Saturday’s game with a group of people whose kids play hockey and they knew exactly what was going on. I learned a bit from them.

Our team is the Vegas Golden Knights. Many of their fans are new to the sport as well. I think we got behind them, because the team has made themselves part of our community by helping out when they can, especially after 10/01/2017.

Since getting together with Ralph, I have become an Astros fan, a NASCAR fan and a Golden Knights fan. I sit through the Titans games, but don’t understand football and it doesn’t keep my attention the way the others do.

Win or lose, VGK has my heart. Our expansion team has done an amazing job of getting through to the Stanley Cup finals.
Have a spin free day!
Love, Peace and Light!
Rita

Bright Side

I took Ralph to work this morning, because I felt okay and we have plans this evening. Around 1:30ish I had a mini spin (vertigo-one quick rotation) and my eyes are bouncing around (nystagmus). So my brother kindly brought me and the car to JW. I am here extra early.

I am sitting on Starbucks patio over looking the herb garden and fountain. It’s a beautiful day to day. There is a baby Robin in the honeysuckle. Momma came to feed it.

This disease can be inconvenient, annoying and debilitating, but it makes me appreciate the little things. I love being outside at JW. I have hung out here on many occasions.
Tonight I am going to enjoy myself as long as vertigo doesn’t get me. Hopefully it was only that one brief episode. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.

Have a spin free day.

Love, Peace and Light!
Rita