Thursday, August 15, 2019

The Struggle is Real

Living with one debilitating disease is hard. Especially when I am almost always dizzy, have balance issues, feel as if the ground is moving. Throw in a drop attack or two where I feel as though someone shoved me backwards. Oh let’s not forget the constant tinnitus. Even when I went in remission the tinnitus remained to let me know that this disease would be back. This is what I feel on a daily basis. Lately, it’s rare for me to not experience dizziness. Even if you see me out with my hubby, I am probably not feeling well. 

Oh, I almost forgot vertigo. Though I haven’t had a full blown attack of vertigo that lasts for hours, I do have mini spins. These are short usually only lasting a rotation or three. I can’t think straight much of the time, because my head feels foggy. Brain fog makes me forget words too. 

My problems don’t stop with Ménière’s. And lately they all seem to be ganging up on me. The Fibromyalgia is causing me to feel as if I have the flue. That achy, nauseous feeling and sort throat that characterizes the flue is how I am feeling. The nausea is also a symptom of the Ménière’s. 

In addition to the Fibromyalgia pain, I have Costochondritis, which is inflammation of the cartilage that connects the ribs to the breastbone and it’s flaring as well. My Osteoarthritis in my hands, feet and knees is also acting up. My Lichen Sclerosis is out of remission too. This is a vulvar disease and it’s painful and itchy. Oh and my migraines are almost a daily thing. I thought they were gone when I went off my water pill, but they’re back. It’s good that I see a neurologist on Monday.

I have already wrote about the depression. That’s a different kind of pain. All of this makes for a very moody Rita. I am good at faking being well, except for my emotions. They are all over the place right now and come out in the most unexpected places. Telling family to go to hell for one. 

So most days I am by myself at home and that is good. No one to go off on. The pets are around to give me lots of love. It’s frustrating that I am stuck at home, until Ralph is home or if my brother is around to take me somewhere. 

I think giving up my independence is the hardest. I can run my car on one tank of gas for three months. That’s how often I don’t have some type of dizziness. And I don’t go far from home lately on my own. The two drop attacks this past week as frightened me, They don’t give any warning. I don’t know when the next one will be. So I am kind of afraid to be out on my own. 

I hope you are spin free. 

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

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