You’ve Probably Heard This Before

Finding true love can and does happen. Sometimes a person can find love more than once in a lifetime. Sometimes I think it’s all about timing. 

My second husband died December 20, 2012. I was heartbroken and numb, but starting to live again thanks to my caring friends in the small river town of Zanesville, Ohio kept me busy so that I didn’t sink into the depths of dispair. 

I found myself getting healthier and happier and enjoying life again. Six months after Ken died, I had a dream. In my dream a friend from junior high/high school whom I’d had an unrequited crush on, kissed me. So, I told him via Facebook messenger. Ralph told me if I wanted to see how it ends to go back to sleep. That made me laugh and we started messaging everyday. 

Our messages soon turn into texts and phone conversations. Finally, Ralph visited me in August and we decided to see where our relationship would go. 

I joined Ralph and his family for Ralph’s 50th Birthday Cruise. My first cruise ever. You might have guessed I am now a cruise addict. Then I visited him for a few weeks over Christmas and New Years in 2013/2014 to see if we were compatible on a daily basis. This was not my worry, but Ralph’s. I had no doubts about where we’d end up.

In May of 2014 we traveled cross country from Ohio to Nevada bring me, my dog and two cats with us. Camping on our way sure tested our relationship. I think if you can camp with someone without killing them then you’re chances of a successful relationship are pretty high. 

At Christmas of 2015 Ralph kept putting little gifts in my stocking. Finally the last one was my engagement/wedding ring set. There was no big dramatic proposal, but I said yes anyway.

We married in February of 2917 in a Catholic Ceremony which was Ralph’s wish. We married in Vegas, but in a small chapel far away from the strip. We’ve been married almost 2 years and I haven’t regretted one minute of it. 

I know Ralph is mine to the end of time! And he’s had me since that first laugh. We have survived through his broken leg/dislocated ankle, my sudden coming out of remission on my Ménière’s Disease and family drama.

We realize as things change with us that we may have to adjust our lives to accommodate both of us and we will handle each thing as it crops up. In the meantime travel, camping and exploring are on our agenda. We are going to have many more fabulous adventures.

I hope everyone finds love and happiness!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita 

A Fun Weekend

Upon arriving in LA we visited The Last Book Store. Someone asked if it was really the last bookstore. I really hope not. I still love books, though it’s easier to read on my iPad. As I walked through a tunnel of books, I could feel stories pouring into me. 

There were many rooms of books both old and new. I could have stayed on one of the couches and read a book to completion, but I managed to limit myself to one book that called to me over all the others. 

After our visit to this fabulous place, which doesn’t compare to The Bookloft in Columbus, Ohio, which has more books than The Last Bookstore,we headed to our hotel in Burbank.

We ate at Market City Caffe, where we found Betsy the Wandering Cow. And the had some really delicious gluten free pasta. 

Saturday we headed to Universal Studios for mire fun. We entered early, because we had season passes and I headed for Guest Relations, where I got an express pass for my disability . Little waiting in lines for the three of us. I didn’t know that this was available until someone in Ménière’s Worldwide mentioned it. Since I have trouble standing for long periods of time it was handy. 

I wasn’t sure how I was going to do on the rides, but I didn’t have a trouble. Of course this disease (Ménière’s) is highly unpredictable and next time could be a different story. My vertigo held of until the morning after.

Still I said a big FU to Ménière’s as we played tourists on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Though we only walked half the steps of yesterday, I got to see the famous Chinese Theater, and the Roosevelt Hotel which was the inspiration for the Tower of Terror in Disney’s California Adventures. Not to mention seeing all the stars. I was a bit shocked at how filthy the sidewalks were, even living in Vegas I have never seen that level of uncleanliness. Still it was an experience, which I can put in my book of been there, done that! 

Then we took a winding road up a hill to get the best view of the Hollywood Sign. The turns actually caused a mini spin. See I never know what will trigger this damn disease. After many attempts to snap a picture of the sign, I managed to get one. It’s difficult in a moving vehicle as obstructions popped up frequently. 

Along the way we spied this garage... Which was a perfect way to end our weekend which started with a bookstore.

I hope you are all spin free!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

I Beg to Differ

Since when has it not been okay to disagree with others? That is what makes this one of the greatest countries in the world. Just because someone doesn’t believe the same things as me, doesn’t mean we can’t be friends or family. 

My entire family are Republicans... Then there’s me. My dad calls me a bleeding heart liberal. I say so what? Do you love me less, because I think differently than you? You and mom raised me to think for myself and that’s just what I do. 

Can you imagine if we lived elsewhere, I might have been disowned or even killed for my radical thoughts. Now we hear daily about “fake news”. It is our jobs as citizens to sort out the real truth. 

I have been told by the one who shall not be named that I can’t believe something I’ve heard with my own ears, I cannot trust my own judgment. This country is being gaslighted. And it’s time to stop.

Make informed decisions... Don’t just side with the masses. Don’t hate others for having a difference in opinion. Instead learn from them. Usually the truth is somewhere in the middle. Trust your eyes and ears, they don’t lie to you. Go with your gut. And if that means you don’t think the way I do, at least you’ve put some thought into it. 

This last election has made it difficult for many of us, because we fear our rights might be stripped away. So be kind to others when we disagree. Remember some of us are coming from a place of fear. The most important thing to remember is human decency. Don’t judge others. Love your neighbor as yourself! 

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

My Life Is About To Get Crazier

Beginning this weekend we are headed to Universal Studios. Before that we are celebrating Ralph’s Birthday for the second time this week with his co-workers tonight. Despite my protests we are going to Dave & Busters. I have been Ménière’sy lately, so not sure how I will adapt to the noise overload with all the flashing lights. I have my blue light filtering glasses and earplugs ready.

Tomorrow which is Ralph’s actual birthday I am ditching him and going to see Barry Manilow, which gives Ralph an excuse to get Cracker Barrel.There is much on their menu I can eat.

Friday we are headed to LA. We are going to see the stars and on Saturday we’ll go to Universal Studios. Harry Potter World here I come.

We’ll have a weekend at home and then are heading to Sacramento. I am going to try to meet up with a friend from Ménière’s Worldwide, but not sure, since we won’t have our own car. 

Finally at the end of the month we’re flying to San Antonio, because Ralph won a stay at a hotel there. We’ll meet up with an old high school friend of mine. And see the Alamo too. 

There should be lots of pictures and YouTube videos coming up to entertain. Well, they entertain us anyway. It’s all for fun. 

It will be a great testament to my fortitude if my MD doesn’t try to drag me down. I still haven’t had a major episode since May. I came out of remission the day after we went to Universal Studios last year. My anxiety has been high, which is a trigger for MD. I try not to fret about it, but it’s been niggling at the back of my mind. 

In between I have a stress test and I get to wear a halter monitor. Maybe the cardiologist can figure out why my heart rate is so fast. I thought it was the Mitralvalve Prolapse, but it didn’t show up on the ultrasound. I don’t see him until January. Yikes, I hate the waiting around. 

I hope you are spin free.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

More on Managing My Anxiety

You know from my posts that I suffer from anxiety. I chant the Serenity Prayer Frequently to remind myself that I cannot control every situation. I certainly cannot control others. What I can do is control the way I react. I need frequent reminders, especially when anxiety and/or depression strikes.

Some days my head won’t stop racing. All the thoughts run at the speed of light to drag me down. I have to consciously change my thoughts. That is why reciting this prayer and making it my mantra to repeat over and over. Also, I concentrate on one thought when I’m meditating to let it go. I hope I haven’t put an ear worm in your head like I just did in mine.

Today I am struggling more so I wrote my own prayer out. I am pretty sure it’s borrowed thoughts from some remembered things I have read. So I am not claiming it and it can be shared with others.

If you have ways to deal with anxiety that I haven’t mentioned and may not even have thought of let me know.

I put this on my blog page at ritalsmith.com. I want to share with you all too.  Here is a direct link to the prayer. 

God is good. 

God is great. 

Please help me eliminate negativity from my LIFE! 

It begins with me.

And ends with me.

Give me peace.

Let me give peace. 

Don’t allow others to run over me. And don‘t let me hurt others.Let’s make everyday a BLUE SKY DAY! 

Even in when the sun is hidden from my view.

Thank you for everything you do!

I hope you are spin free.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Anxiety

Anxiety is an inttense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. It doesn’t always make sense and anything can trigger an anxiety attack or panic attack.

You may experience a fast heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating, and feeling tired. Sometimes it’s just an obsessive pervasive thought that won’t let go. 

Every little thing that you perceive that you did wrong, every thought and action, slights real or imagined are magnified until you cannot function. Sometimes a panic attack is the result, other times is not as clear cut. 

There are things you can do to deal with anxiety. Meditation, deep breaths, mindfulness, avoiding situations that cause stress. These work well if you recognize the symptoms. 

Sometimes, it sneaks in and it’s much more difficult to use coping skills to get through it. At these times some anti-anxiety medication help. Especially, when it’s big brother moves in too. I am talking about depression. 

For me they often go hand in hand. At these times I may say and do things I would never do when you are healthy. Especially when the source of my anxiety is a person. 

Unfortunately, my mind would like to kill them off. Fortunately, I am a writer and I can do so vicariously.

 “Killing them off verbally is just a metaphor for cutting off negativie people from your life.

Eliminating negativity from your life is good. Often it’s not possible. So, finding new coping mechanisms is good. Keep busy, limit their involvement in your life. Meditation and relaxation techniques are very helpful. There are tons of YouTube Videos to assist you. 

The main thing I do is concentrate on my breathing. Breathe slowly in through my nose and out through my mouth. If my mind wonders (and it does often) I just start thinking about breathing in and out. To help me sleep I do a relaxation technique of tensing and relaxing starting with my toes and ending with my head. 

Anxiety has slipped up on me and I am having difficulty letting it go. I will continue to apply my techniques, but may have to ask for a bit more assistance. It’s time to get my Zen on. 

I hope this helps someone. And I hope you are spin free.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

At The Mercy of...

It’s a sad situation when you cannot drive. I always hated driving, but it was so much more convenient when I could. I have very few days that Ménière’s isn’t affecting me. On those days I try to catch up on errands like getting my hair done & getting toiletries, medication, etc. 

Unfortunately the goods days aren’t always in sync with what needs done, so I rely on my brother or husband to transport me. I hate it. I hate Ménière’s. I hate being dependent on others. How do people get by without a license or car? 

Today I needed a ride to JW Marriott where Ralph works, so that we can meet friends for dinner tonight. The only time that was available was at 11:30 am. I got here about noon. Ralph doesn’t get off until at least 5 pm. (It’s budget season, so all bets are off as to the time he gets off.)

I had lunch at Promenade Cafe. Did an hour long live with my friends from around the world in Ménière’s Worldwide. Had a frappe while I charged my phone. Took some pictures as I walked the grounds and casino. Now I am waiting in the car. Hopefully, the hubby will be here soon now. 

Yes, I still walked. I am sure I looked drunk, since I tilted a lot and stumbled a bit. I couldn’t have driven for safety of the public as the world keeps shifting today. Not a vertigo attack thank goodness, but hard to deal with nonetheless. 

It’s fortunate that I love this place and can find things to keep me busy. I would love to be able to drive myself whenever and wherever I want, but that is not my reality. I am dealing with it and still finding enjoyment when I am a bit inconvenienced. I’ll try to keep on smiling through my frustrations. And laugh at myself when I tip over. I keep trying to convince strangers that I’m just practicing my ballet moves. 

I hope you are spin free!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Thankful Thursday

It is important to take some time everyday to remind myself that I am thankful for so many things. You might think with all my whining about health issues that I don’t enjoy the good days. That I don’t appreciate the good times. I am thankful for all the things I can still do. 

I do not have things as bad as others. Though I have symptoms, I rarely have the debilitating vertigo that used to keep me in bed. Only once since I came out of remission in December has that happened. It used to happen on a much more frequent basis. I am thankful for this. I wish no one had this, but I am thankful that I’ve not been worse.

I love traveling and am thankful that I am still able to do so. I love going to concerts and I am thankful I still have most of my hearing. I love that if I need to stay in bed, I can. 

I am thankful for my wonderful husband who is trying to understand this dreadful disease. He listens when I say I cannot do something. And is nearby when we are out in case of an emergency.

I am thankful for my pets who cuddle with me daily especially for grounding me during my full on vertigo attack or even the mini spins. I never realized how important grounding during an attack is, until the mini spins began. It helps me concentrate on something besides the room spinning around. Sometimes it’s difficult to focus on one thing in the room, because it keeps shifting. 

I am thankful that I’ve never had a major attack in public, though Disneyland was close. It just wasn’t the full on vertigo attack. But it was worse than the mini spins. It was a different type of vertigo where everything shifted up and down instead of the spinning. Anyway I am thankful that my full on vertigo attacks have always happened at night or upon waking. It’s safer to be in bed.

I am thankful for each and every day of life. I am thankful that I’ve found ways to cope and have things to assist making life easier. 

I am thankful for feeling God’s presence in my life. I try to see him in every aspect of it and in people. Some people make it difficult, but I hope God is present in them too. I am thankful that I feel I may have finally let go of hurts whether intentional or unintentional. 

I am thankful that I had a dream about a kiss. It has led me to where I am now. 

I hope you are spin free!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Suck it Up

I was fighting waves if vertigo and feeling sick to my stomach in this photo. It’s the face of an Invisible Disability. 

It’s one thing for me to plow on through my symptoms, but you telling me to suck it up is quite another. If I say I can’t do something then I mean I’m at a point that I cannot push through. So don’t make me feel worse than I already do.it will just give me anxiety and make my symptoms worse. 

There are days when I just need to stay in bed. There are other days I want to, but don’t. Sometimes the slightest movement causes my head to go into what I call a mini spin. It doesn’t last long, but the unpredictability of them is enough to make me wary of doing anything. 

The anxiety of not knowing if this will precipitate a big attack is debilitating in itself. I try my best not to give in to the anxiety, because it’s a sure way to trigger an attack. 

So you telling me to suck it up could hasten me into an attack. I already feel inadequate, because my house is a wreck. Because I can’t do everything I want. Most days I cannot even drive to do things I enjoy.

Believe me I enjoy getting out and about. I just cannot always manage it on my own. I feel more secure with someone who knows what I face by my side. Just in case. 

I will keep trying and I hope you understand when I cancel plans or can’t join you on the spur of the moment. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I could put myself or others in danger (if drive). 

Thank you to those who offer to drive me. And ask questions about what to do in case of an attack. I really appreciate you.i hope none of you have to experience this. 

I hope you are spin free. 

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

#invisibledisabilitiesawarenessweek 

Partying it Up

Yesterday we went to a wedding. It was a quirky and emotional ceremony and it was fun. It showed the personalities of the bride & groom.During the reception this little guy made an appearance. He moved quickly out as I tried to get a picture of him. I would have love to get a picture of him with me for a challenge for Invisible Disabilities Week in Ménière’s Worldwide. Yes, I know we are a quirky group that has a lot of fun. We’ve adopted the chicken as our unofficial mascot. 

The booze flowed & appetizers were plenty. I may have had a bite of Ralph’s pretzel and splurged on a lobster roll. I shouldn’t have. I am truly allergic to wheat. My weird internal vertigo is back. So no more wheat for me. 

I drank my fill of wine. Somehow I got drunk... it’s been awhile! Usually with my Ménière’s symptoms of feeling drunk, I can drink and feel normal. It’s my superpower. Yesterday I was symptom free, so I got drunk, because I drank. That’s a wonderful feeling. LOL! 

I danced and Ralph said I’m cut off. Which was okay, since I’d decided to stop anyway. We left shortly after that. It’s good to get out and let your hair down once in awhile. 

Today is a lazy day in, before heading to Ralph’s parents for dinner. What have you been up to?

I hope you are spin free!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

There’s Always Tomorrow

I keep seeing people say FML (fuck my life) or I can’t take this anymore. While I agree that sometimes things seem like it won’t get better, especially with chronic illnesses, it will. 

You will have good days and bad days. Look forward to the good days. Take it easy on the bad days. Don’t beat yourself up because something didn’t get done, or something happened to ruin your day or plans. Shit happens. Life happens.

Look forward to the good days. Enjoy every minute. Don’t fret about the past, it’s over. Move on. If you don’t like your situation change it. Life isn’t something that happens to you, it’s something you do. So go out and live it. Don’t talk about what you would do if... Make it happen. 

How you ask? Make plans, but don’t get upset when something happens to make you change them. Be spontaneous. It’s helpful to take one day at a time, especially with chronic illnesses. Try not to worry about what can happen. I know this is easier said than done. 

I have an unpredictable disease, but when I am anxious it will bring on an attack. Stress is a trigger for me. 

Stress and anxiety is incapacitating for everyone. It makes normal people avoid living their lives. One way to eliminate anxiety is to live in the moment. If you do this there is no room for worrying about what might happen or what did happen. 

If you read my blogs then you know there is plenty in life that can tear a person down, but I choose to focus on the now. Even knowing what I may face in the future is not a good reason for me to curl up and stop living. Oh, I remember and I talk about it to educate and as a catharsis. 

On bad days remember that “tomorrow is another day” as Scarlet O’Hara so eloquently said. We have the power to change our thinking, and to change our lives. 

I say this when I feel stressed. 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

It helps me to let go of things out of my control. And reminds me that I am not entirely powerless. It gives me hope. If you don’t believe in God, you can leave off that part and recite it like a mantra. 

I am not always successful, because I am human. To quote another piece of folk wisdom... “If you fall off the horse, get back on.” Keep trying, live in the moment and most of all enjoy your life. 

I hope you all are spin free!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Keeping Busy

First up was Garbage 2.0 tour. Shirley Manson is awesome. Despite that she steered clear of her normal set, the concert was enjoyable. Maybe next time we see them they’ll play I’m Only Happy When it Rains and Stupid Girl. I wasn’t having a great balance day on Friday, but I pushed through. There were a couple of touchy moments with the lights, especially with the opening act. I pulled out my blue light filtering glasses and turned my head when it was bad. 

Next up was The Downtown Event Center’s View Party for the Vegas Golden Knights. It looked like we were going to lose the game, but in the third period we scored. We went into a shootout and on the last shot we scored. Go Knights Go!  BTW- It was a good day for me. Just some slight tipping or being pulled to the right... I enjoy these days, since no other symptoms are present. 

Church first thing today, followed by breakfast at Neighbors (a fairly new restaurant). I forgot to tell them no egg whites, but decided to eat it anyway, since they are probably only a sensitivity. I didn’t forget to tell them no cows milk or wheat. 

It was simply delicious, though I like their portorrito. It is allergen free for me if I get it in a bowl instead of a flour tortilla. The picture is the breakfast burrito in a bowl, sans cheese & avocado crema, but they added avocados for me. 

Back at home we watched the new Doctor Who. Jodie Whittaker is awesome as the Doctor. I am going to love this series (season for us, Americans). 

So, see we are having a lovely day while taking it easy. I am fatigued and sore today as the weather changed and Fibromyalgia doesn’t like changes.

I hope you are spin free!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Happy Birthday

Where do the years go? My not so little brother is 48. 

Oh my... Somehow we all aged. We are both older by about a decade than my parents were in this photograph.

To celebrate David’s birthday we went out to eat, played the slots and since they gamble more than me, they picked up their free Golden Knights Wine. Dave’s wife, Jody, gave me hers. Happy Birthday, David, to me! LOL!

My dad and David at my second wedding when Dave was almost 29. He still looks the same... Just older!

That brings us to a few years ago on my birthday when Dave was just visiting Las Vegas.

He still spends most of his time on his phone. Reading or playing games. He rarely uses it as a phone. Though now he lives here (in my house), so I see him daily. Wouldn’t you know I don’t have a recent picture of him. He hates having it taken. Maybe he’s worried about the photographs stealing his soul. 

Anyway David Michael Kelly, Happy Birthday!!!

I love you little brother!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Don’t Judge

“They are parking in an accessible parking space with a placard, but they look fine.”

How many times have you heard this or maybe thought it yourself? Have you ever asked, “I wonder if the driver or passenger has an invisible disability?”

I have heard it before, because I don’t look disabled. I have balance issues, so walking can be a challenge. Lately I cannot even drive because of the vertigo. There are days when the vertigo sends my head on a trip around the room without moving, but may only last a second or two, Lately this is daily, usually in the early morning or late evening, but sometimes it hits me throughout the day. 

I look fine. You may not even notice these mini spins as people in Ménière’s Worldwide call them, but they make it difficult to function. I can still walk and talk though I might take a minute to make sure it’s not going to happen again. Again you probably won’t notice that I have stopped. 

If I have a full blown vertigo attack (fortunately for me mine have always happened upon waking) you would find me unable to walk without hugging the walls and door frames. Just moving can cause me serious problems. The last time I had one I had a slam attack (I feel like I am shoved backwards) and ended up on the floor between the door jamb. It was difficult to get up and get back to bed as the full on vertigo hit. Though the actual vertigo didn’t last more than half an hour, if I moved my head would send me into another spin. I couldn’t walk easily and it lasted all that day and into the next. 

On good days I still may tip. I always laugh it off and think about saying I’m practicing ballet when my foot comes off the ground and my arms raise to balance myself. Even when I was in remission I still did this. Most people don’t notice, especially those closest to me.

Ralph says I hide it well. I guess that is why I try to educate my family and friends, just in case there comes a time when I cannot pretend to be normal. I am good at sucking it up and carrying on. I will not stop living even if it means I use my disability placard. 

This is the face of and invisible disability. AAnd being “wlibbly wobbly” quite a bit of the time fits the picture of the timey wimey blue box that is supposed to blend into its surroundings, but is stuck.

I hope you are spin free.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Halloween

Yay or Nay? Tell me your thoughts about this magical time of the year..,

I love to decorate, but I must confess my health has made me rather lackadaisical in my attempts. I carved this jack-o-lantern a few years back. 

But costumes are fun. We don’t just save dressing up for Halloween... Christmas, New Years and of course cosplay. 

This year I am putting together a costume and so far I have nowhere to go. LOL! I decided to dress up as Osgood from Doctor Who. My brother said that I picked an obscure character from the Doctor Who Fandom. Why? Because she intrigued me. I love the fact that she borrows pieces of her everyday clothes from all the doctors. 

Here’s what I’ve gathered so far. I am kind of creating my own persona keeping Osgood’s style in mind. I had the 4th Doctor’s scarf, I bought Osgood’s glasses. I also have an inhaler to carry. The white blouse will pair nicely with the 11th Doctor’s bow tie (on order). Though I don’t have high top Converse, my old sneakers will stand in for the 10th Doctor. I also have a lab coat coming to represent Osgood’s work at UNIT. I can keep adding to the costume as I want. 

It’s been fun putting my look together. I am crazy enough to wear it everyday. The fantastic thing about costumes is that you can be anyone you want to be. All you have to do is imagine.

As we usher in the Autumnal Equinox I’ll be celebrating All Hallows’ Eve... What will you be doing? Decorating, trick or treating, costume party... Whatever you do, I hope you enjoy yourself. 

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

P.S. I’ll be sure to take pictures.