Don’t Judge

“They are parking in an accessible parking space with a placard, but they look fine.”

How many times have you heard this or maybe thought it yourself? Have you ever asked, “I wonder if the driver or passenger has an invisible disability?”

I have heard it before, because I don’t look disabled. I have balance issues, so walking can be a challenge. Lately I cannot even drive because of the vertigo. There are days when the vertigo sends my head on a trip around the room without moving, but may only last a second or two, Lately this is daily, usually in the early morning or late evening, but sometimes it hits me throughout the day. 

I look fine. You may not even notice these mini spins as people in Ménière’s Worldwide call them, but they make it difficult to function. I can still walk and talk though I might take a minute to make sure it’s not going to happen again. Again you probably won’t notice that I have stopped. 

If I have a full blown vertigo attack (fortunately for me mine have always happened upon waking) you would find me unable to walk without hugging the walls and door frames. Just moving can cause me serious problems. The last time I had one I had a slam attack (I feel like I am shoved backwards) and ended up on the floor between the door jamb. It was difficult to get up and get back to bed as the full on vertigo hit. Though the actual vertigo didn’t last more than half an hour, if I moved my head would send me into another spin. I couldn’t walk easily and it lasted all that day and into the next. 

On good days I still may tip. I always laugh it off and think about saying I’m practicing ballet when my foot comes off the ground and my arms raise to balance myself. Even when I was in remission I still did this. Most people don’t notice, especially those closest to me.

Ralph says I hide it well. I guess that is why I try to educate my family and friends, just in case there comes a time when I cannot pretend to be normal. I am good at sucking it up and carrying on. I will not stop living even if it means I use my disability placard. 

This is the face of and invisible disability. AAnd being “wlibbly wobbly” quite a bit of the time fits the picture of the timey wimey blue box that is supposed to blend into its surroundings, but is stuck.

I hope you are spin free.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita