Suck it Up

I was fighting waves if vertigo and feeling sick to my stomach in this photo. It’s the face of an Invisible Disability. 

It’s one thing for me to plow on through my symptoms, but you telling me to suck it up is quite another. If I say I can’t do something then I mean I’m at a point that I cannot push through. So don’t make me feel worse than I already do.it will just give me anxiety and make my symptoms worse. 

There are days when I just need to stay in bed. There are other days I want to, but don’t. Sometimes the slightest movement causes my head to go into what I call a mini spin. It doesn’t last long, but the unpredictability of them is enough to make me wary of doing anything. 

The anxiety of not knowing if this will precipitate a big attack is debilitating in itself. I try my best not to give in to the anxiety, because it’s a sure way to trigger an attack. 

So you telling me to suck it up could hasten me into an attack. I already feel inadequate, because my house is a wreck. Because I can’t do everything I want. Most days I cannot even drive to do things I enjoy.

Believe me I enjoy getting out and about. I just cannot always manage it on my own. I feel more secure with someone who knows what I face by my side. Just in case. 

I will keep trying and I hope you understand when I cancel plans or can’t join you on the spur of the moment. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I could put myself or others in danger (if drive). 

Thank you to those who offer to drive me. And ask questions about what to do in case of an attack. I really appreciate you.i hope none of you have to experience this. 

I hope you are spin free. 

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

#invisibledisabilitiesawarenessweek 

Partying it Up

Yesterday we went to a wedding. It was a quirky and emotional ceremony and it was fun. It showed the personalities of the bride & groom.During the reception this little guy made an appearance. He moved quickly out as I tried to get a picture of him. I would have love to get a picture of him with me for a challenge for Invisible Disabilities Week in Ménière’s Worldwide. Yes, I know we are a quirky group that has a lot of fun. We’ve adopted the chicken as our unofficial mascot. 

The booze flowed & appetizers were plenty. I may have had a bite of Ralph’s pretzel and splurged on a lobster roll. I shouldn’t have. I am truly allergic to wheat. My weird internal vertigo is back. So no more wheat for me. 

I drank my fill of wine. Somehow I got drunk... it’s been awhile! Usually with my Ménière’s symptoms of feeling drunk, I can drink and feel normal. It’s my superpower. Yesterday I was symptom free, so I got drunk, because I drank. That’s a wonderful feeling. LOL! 

I danced and Ralph said I’m cut off. Which was okay, since I’d decided to stop anyway. We left shortly after that. It’s good to get out and let your hair down once in awhile. 

Today is a lazy day in, before heading to Ralph’s parents for dinner. What have you been up to?

I hope you are spin free!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

There’s Always Tomorrow

I keep seeing people say FML (fuck my life) or I can’t take this anymore. While I agree that sometimes things seem like it won’t get better, especially with chronic illnesses, it will. 

You will have good days and bad days. Look forward to the good days. Take it easy on the bad days. Don’t beat yourself up because something didn’t get done, or something happened to ruin your day or plans. Shit happens. Life happens.

Look forward to the good days. Enjoy every minute. Don’t fret about the past, it’s over. Move on. If you don’t like your situation change it. Life isn’t something that happens to you, it’s something you do. So go out and live it. Don’t talk about what you would do if... Make it happen. 

How you ask? Make plans, but don’t get upset when something happens to make you change them. Be spontaneous. It’s helpful to take one day at a time, especially with chronic illnesses. Try not to worry about what can happen. I know this is easier said than done. 

I have an unpredictable disease, but when I am anxious it will bring on an attack. Stress is a trigger for me. 

Stress and anxiety is incapacitating for everyone. It makes normal people avoid living their lives. One way to eliminate anxiety is to live in the moment. If you do this there is no room for worrying about what might happen or what did happen. 

If you read my blogs then you know there is plenty in life that can tear a person down, but I choose to focus on the now. Even knowing what I may face in the future is not a good reason for me to curl up and stop living. Oh, I remember and I talk about it to educate and as a catharsis. 

On bad days remember that “tomorrow is another day” as Scarlet O’Hara so eloquently said. We have the power to change our thinking, and to change our lives. 

I say this when I feel stressed. 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

It helps me to let go of things out of my control. And reminds me that I am not entirely powerless. It gives me hope. If you don’t believe in God, you can leave off that part and recite it like a mantra. 

I am not always successful, because I am human. To quote another piece of folk wisdom... “If you fall off the horse, get back on.” Keep trying, live in the moment and most of all enjoy your life. 

I hope you all are spin free!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Keeping Busy

First up was Garbage 2.0 tour. Shirley Manson is awesome. Despite that she steered clear of her normal set, the concert was enjoyable. Maybe next time we see them they’ll play I’m Only Happy When it Rains and Stupid Girl. I wasn’t having a great balance day on Friday, but I pushed through. There were a couple of touchy moments with the lights, especially with the opening act. I pulled out my blue light filtering glasses and turned my head when it was bad. 

Next up was The Downtown Event Center’s View Party for the Vegas Golden Knights. It looked like we were going to lose the game, but in the third period we scored. We went into a shootout and on the last shot we scored. Go Knights Go!  BTW- It was a good day for me. Just some slight tipping or being pulled to the right... I enjoy these days, since no other symptoms are present. 

Church first thing today, followed by breakfast at Neighbors (a fairly new restaurant). I forgot to tell them no egg whites, but decided to eat it anyway, since they are probably only a sensitivity. I didn’t forget to tell them no cows milk or wheat. 

It was simply delicious, though I like their portorrito. It is allergen free for me if I get it in a bowl instead of a flour tortilla. The picture is the breakfast burrito in a bowl, sans cheese & avocado crema, but they added avocados for me. 

Back at home we watched the new Doctor Who. Jodie Whittaker is awesome as the Doctor. I am going to love this series (season for us, Americans). 

So, see we are having a lovely day while taking it easy. I am fatigued and sore today as the weather changed and Fibromyalgia doesn’t like changes.

I hope you are spin free!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Happy Birthday

Where do the years go? My not so little brother is 48. 

Oh my... Somehow we all aged. We are both older by about a decade than my parents were in this photograph.

To celebrate David’s birthday we went out to eat, played the slots and since they gamble more than me, they picked up their free Golden Knights Wine. Dave’s wife, Jody, gave me hers. Happy Birthday, David, to me! LOL!

My dad and David at my second wedding when Dave was almost 29. He still looks the same... Just older!

That brings us to a few years ago on my birthday when Dave was just visiting Las Vegas.

He still spends most of his time on his phone. Reading or playing games. He rarely uses it as a phone. Though now he lives here (in my house), so I see him daily. Wouldn’t you know I don’t have a recent picture of him. He hates having it taken. Maybe he’s worried about the photographs stealing his soul. 

Anyway David Michael Kelly, Happy Birthday!!!

I love you little brother!

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Don’t Judge

“They are parking in an accessible parking space with a placard, but they look fine.”

How many times have you heard this or maybe thought it yourself? Have you ever asked, “I wonder if the driver or passenger has an invisible disability?”

I have heard it before, because I don’t look disabled. I have balance issues, so walking can be a challenge. Lately I cannot even drive because of the vertigo. There are days when the vertigo sends my head on a trip around the room without moving, but may only last a second or two, Lately this is daily, usually in the early morning or late evening, but sometimes it hits me throughout the day. 

I look fine. You may not even notice these mini spins as people in Ménière’s Worldwide call them, but they make it difficult to function. I can still walk and talk though I might take a minute to make sure it’s not going to happen again. Again you probably won’t notice that I have stopped. 

If I have a full blown vertigo attack (fortunately for me mine have always happened upon waking) you would find me unable to walk without hugging the walls and door frames. Just moving can cause me serious problems. The last time I had one I had a slam attack (I feel like I am shoved backwards) and ended up on the floor between the door jamb. It was difficult to get up and get back to bed as the full on vertigo hit. Though the actual vertigo didn’t last more than half an hour, if I moved my head would send me into another spin. I couldn’t walk easily and it lasted all that day and into the next. 

On good days I still may tip. I always laugh it off and think about saying I’m practicing ballet when my foot comes off the ground and my arms raise to balance myself. Even when I was in remission I still did this. Most people don’t notice, especially those closest to me.

Ralph says I hide it well. I guess that is why I try to educate my family and friends, just in case there comes a time when I cannot pretend to be normal. I am good at sucking it up and carrying on. I will not stop living even if it means I use my disability placard. 

This is the face of and invisible disability. AAnd being “wlibbly wobbly” quite a bit of the time fits the picture of the timey wimey blue box that is supposed to blend into its surroundings, but is stuck.

I hope you are spin free.

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

Halloween

Yay or Nay? Tell me your thoughts about this magical time of the year..,

I love to decorate, but I must confess my health has made me rather lackadaisical in my attempts. I carved this jack-o-lantern a few years back. 

But costumes are fun. We don’t just save dressing up for Halloween... Christmas, New Years and of course cosplay. 

This year I am putting together a costume and so far I have nowhere to go. LOL! I decided to dress up as Osgood from Doctor Who. My brother said that I picked an obscure character from the Doctor Who Fandom. Why? Because she intrigued me. I love the fact that she borrows pieces of her everyday clothes from all the doctors. 

Here’s what I’ve gathered so far. I am kind of creating my own persona keeping Osgood’s style in mind. I had the 4th Doctor’s scarf, I bought Osgood’s glasses. I also have an inhaler to carry. The white blouse will pair nicely with the 11th Doctor’s bow tie (on order). Though I don’t have high top Converse, my old sneakers will stand in for the 10th Doctor. I also have a lab coat coming to represent Osgood’s work at UNIT. I can keep adding to the costume as I want. 

It’s been fun putting my look together. I am crazy enough to wear it everyday. The fantastic thing about costumes is that you can be anyone you want to be. All you have to do is imagine.

As we usher in the Autumnal Equinox I’ll be celebrating All Hallows’ Eve... What will you be doing? Decorating, trick or treating, costume party... Whatever you do, I hope you enjoy yourself. 

Love, Peace and Light! Rita

P.S. I’ll be sure to take pictures.